I know, let's pick some numbers out of a hat

I realize how much I don't associate people with their phone numbers any more. I just hit their button on my cell phone.

The other day I had to call a friend on a land line (remember them?) and had to look to see the number I've hit many times before on my mobile. It was the weirdest concoction of numbers I ever did see: it started with a random area code, then half a UPC symbol, part of a zip code, followed by, I think, someone's waist measurement. I mean there wasn't even any numbers close together. Definitely no eight-zero couples or a one-two-one-two to make things easier. No, these numbers gave maximum stretchage to the thumb (think 9-1-7 all the way over to a 3 combo). There was no rhyme or reason. As I dialed, all I could think was "What the $#%& is this?".

I'm part Q-Bert...

Thanks, I just had it stuffed

The other day, my wife and I were getting some grub when we came across this sign. I think their slogan is: "See yourself in our pants"

Maybe not...

Well, either way, please allow the myriad of funny lines to wash over you. My gift.